I posted something on Facebook yesterday that got more of a reaction than I anticipated. I said that my kids were driving me crazy. I eluded to the fact that they were lunatics. What I really meant to say is they were acting like a**holes. I know it seems harsh. I know that I am also supposed to say that I love them and they're the most magical events of my life, but that should be a given. I should be able to say that I am not enjoying this particular day of parenthood without the tremendous guilt that follows.
So after I posted my Facebook tantrum, I went about my business and the guilt started to creep in. " I hope people won't think I'm a terrible mother." " People will get that this is a temporary feeling, right?" I could not have been more delighted to see that people "liked" my status and even revealed that they were feeling or had felt the same way.
Why do I always feel so guilty about complaining? I know many people who complain all the time and don't seem to care, yet I always find myself serving a complaint sandwich. I complain about something by saying, "First of all , I love you, but if I find your sweatshirt that you wore once for 20 minutes in the wash one more time, I will lose my mind. Oh, nice job making your bed though."
If a friend of mine was completely ungrateful for some help I had given her, and when I asked her to read a book with another friend it ended in someone getting hit in the chin and someone screaming and stomping up the stairs, without hesitation, I would say, "These people are a**holes!"
I think I am afraid that I won't seem grateful. I'm not sure why I care about what people think about it, I am always afraid that someone will say, "Be grateful you have a son to yell at." or "Someday he'll live far away and you'll miss this." All true, but seriously, a mom has got to be able to let it all out sometimes!!
I think as moms we all need to just chill out. Everyone will do it different. What works for your best friend's family wouldn't work for yours. There's a reason why your family is YOUR family. We know that every person on this earth is different, so why on earth would we expect every family to follow the same recipe?
There is a definite comfort in finding family and friends that share similar traits, I was comforted that there were people out there that seemed to say, "Hey Jenn, I hear your frustration, boy oh boy have I been there, vent away and move on." (Is that too much poetic license on what clicking "like" might mean?)
So, to my darling children. It's okay that you acted like a**holes yesterday. You have no way of knowing all the things that I'm juggling around when I ask you to do something to help me out. When you give me an attitude about it and fight with each other , it's all normal and a part of growing up. It is also normal that I will question everything I ever did as a mother because there is no way I raised you to act this way. There will be moments that you will mutter mean words about me under your breath, but don't worry, and don't feel guilty, I know you love me just as much as I love you.