It's a Miracle!

I'm a believer!  Miracles aren't just for the 1980 Olympic Hockey Team and random grilled cheeses.  I witnessed one in my own house last night, I may be overstating things here and I also may be laying the sarcasm on pretty hard this morning, that's what happens when I'm sleep deprived.

I should probably start at the beginning.  It was that time at night, you know the "I-feel-like-I've-been-asleep-awhile-but-it's-way-too-dark-out-for-me-to-be-awake" time?  Oh, you may call it 4am in your house.  I was awoken by a sound, a quiet sobbing sound.  Now, I should tell you that I am like a bear coming out of hibernation when I am woken up in the middle of the night.  I'm disoriented, grumpy and inevitably, I have to pee.  I can't see anything, that could be making this noise until I look down.  My daughter on the floor next to my bed , crying because her foot hurts.  

Much like a compass points to the Magnetic North Pole, my children's compass points them to my side of the bed.  Always. I know if given the chance my husband would get up and help the sick or sad child at our bedside, but sadly he may never get the chance. 

I now vaguely recall that she came in a few hours ago (to my side of the bed) and I managed to get her to go back and just rest her foot.  So, I ask her, "What's wrong?"  She answers, "My foot hurts."  I ask her if she tried to wake me up at all and she said no, she just sat there crying.  I scooped her up into our bed, checked out her foot the best that I could with half an eye open, covered her up and tried to lay back down.

After about 5 minutes, I realized that she stopped crying the second she got into our bed. She was magically healed!  I even leaned over and whispered, "Is your foot okay now?" and she sleepily answered, "Yeah, it's good."  Miracle!  I never knew my bed had such powers of healing! 

In celebration,  I spent the next hour and a half tossing and turning and telling her to move over.  I finally fell back asleep 10 minutes before my alarm went off.   

The best part of this wondrous event was when my husband came over to give me a kiss goodbye, looked over and said, "Oh wow, I didn't even know she was in here."
 

The Brick Wall

My husband and I have a lot in common.  We like doing the same activities.  We have a very similar sense of humor, and we both can be insanely stubborn.

We have been married for almost 15 years and I know this may sound insane, but we have gotten really good at arguing.

There was a time when we first moved in together that we would fight over the littlest things.  One day, I was emptying the dishwasher and I placed the glasses upside down in the cabinet.  My wonderful soulmate came in and informed me that we put the glasses right side up.  There was a lively debate (ha-ha, who am I kidding, I'm pretty sure I said , "That's stupid" ten times) and I remember getting so frustrated that I got in my car and left.

I am not proud of this, it was insanely immature, but I was 23 and I really didn't know better.  I didn't realize then that you could actually disagree with your soulmate, you don't have to agree on everything.  It's not an "I love you" and magically you think as one forever and ever.  Also, I only drove around the block because after all it wasn't the end of the world.

Through the years I have had to learn things through my mistakes.  You can bet that if there's a lesson to be learned, I usually learn it the hard way.  Did you know that husbands aren't mind readers?  It's amazing that if I am at home taking care of the kids and I think, "Wouldn't it be nice if my husband came home tonight, told me he got a sitter and whisked me off to a movie?", the thought does not magically transport to my husband's brain who is thinking about not hitting the traffic going to The Cape on a Friday so he can just get home and relax already.

I have learned to ask for what I need and sometimes what I just want.  This doesn't let him off the hook completely, a girl likes a little romance and seriously, if a guy can't come up with something, GOOGLE IT.  In this day and age of technology there is no excuse for not being able to do something romantic every once in awhile.  You're welcome.

We have learned that a little bickering here and there is good for us, it gets out the little annoying things that can build up.  We've learned that if there is something big to talk about that we don't agree on, we have to wait until we're both ready to talk about it.  Just because I'm fired up and ready and may or may not have a power point presentation ready to prove my point, doesn't mean he's ready to have the discussion.  Also, I tend to get emotional about things and sometimes we just need to take a break.

We have a newer rule, and that is that we can't both be a brick wall.  There are some things we just won't ever agree on.  This is where that fancy word compromise comes in.  When we're in the middle of something, that's getting nowhere, one of us says "brick wall" and we know that one of us has to back down.  It isn't always easy and there are times I know we walk away thinking that we gave in, but so far, it's never been something we've regretted.  It always feels better to get along.

I would never presume that we have it all figured out.  Like many of you, we have "that" argument.  You know, the one, that no matter when or where it pops up, you think, "I can't believe we're talking about this again!  I thought we solved this last time! I was going to______ and he was going to_____, what the heck?!"  It probably won't ever go away, but that's ok.  Each time we have it, we get a little better at it.

This is just a small part of what our marriage is, we certainly aren't fighting all the time and I think we are generally pretty happy.  It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.

Sometimes my kids are A**holes.

I posted something on Facebook yesterday that got more of a reaction than I anticipated.  I said that my kids were driving me crazy.  I eluded to the fact that they were lunatics.  What I really meant to say is they were acting like a**holes.  I know it seems harsh.  I know that I am also supposed to say that I love them and they're the most magical events of my life, but that should be a given.  I should be able to say that I am not enjoying this particular day of parenthood without the tremendous guilt that follows.

So after I posted my Facebook tantrum, I went about my business and the guilt started to creep in.  " I hope people won't think I'm a terrible mother."  " People will get that this is a temporary feeling, right?" I could not have been more delighted to see that people "liked" my status and even revealed that they were feeling or had felt the same way.

Why do I always feel so guilty about complaining?  I know many people who complain all the time and don't seem to care, yet I always find myself serving a complaint sandwich.  I complain about something by saying, "First of all , I love you, but  if I find your sweatshirt that you wore once for 20 minutes in the wash one more time, I will lose my mind.  Oh, nice job making your bed though."

If a friend of mine was completely ungrateful for some help I had given her, and when I asked her to read a book with another friend it ended in someone getting hit in the chin and someone screaming and stomping up the stairs, without hesitation, I would say, "These people are a**holes!" 

I think I am afraid that I won't seem grateful.  I'm not sure why I care about what people think about it, I am always afraid that someone will say, "Be grateful you have a son to yell at." or "Someday he'll live far away and you'll miss this."  All true, but seriously, a mom has got to be able to let it all out sometimes!!

I think as moms we all need to just chill out.  Everyone will do it different.  What works for your best friend's family wouldn't work for yours.  There's a reason why your family is YOUR family.  We know that every person on this earth is different, so why on earth would we expect every family to follow the same recipe?

There is a definite comfort in finding family and friends that share similar traits, I was comforted that there were people out there that seemed to say, "Hey Jenn, I hear your frustration, boy oh boy have I been there, vent away and move on." (Is that too much poetic license on what clicking "like" might mean?)

So, to my darling children.  It's okay that you acted like a**holes yesterday.  You have no way of knowing all the things that I'm juggling around when I ask you to do something to help me out.  When you give me an attitude about it and fight with each other , it's all normal and a part of growing up.  It is also normal that I will question everything I ever did as a mother because there is no way I raised you to act this way.  There will be moments that you will mutter mean words about me under your breath, but don't worry, and don't feel guilty, I know you love me just as much as I love you.